Make America Dance Again
How the powerful should dance in public
Trump supporters must have been ecstatic yesterday. After going through multiple criminal indictments and convictions, hundreds of millions of dollars in ordered payments from judges, and two assassination attempts, the 78-year-old has once again regained his place as leader of the free world.Â
No matter which side of the political fence your ideology rests on, it is difficult to dismiss Trump’s persistence and perseverance. I wish well for him, his hair, and all the members of his presidential staff.
But we need to get serious about something. Just for a moment. In the midst of all the shouting and excitement, rationality and prudence must always reign supreme. Right now, the United States of America needs to come together as a people — not drift apart — in this most tumultuous of times.
What Trump supporters and Harris supporters must be able to agree on is this: The country needs to put a substantial amount of tax dollars aside to give Donald J. Trump some serious dance lessons.Â
Remember: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, and the leaders of Hamas and Hezbollah are watching his every move. These dance lessons, I posit, are vital for the integrity and continuity of not only America, but the foundations of democracy itself.
I understand this is a big ask. Maybe even an impossible one. But I am not advocating for Trump to be the next Travolta. Nor do I expect him to do the moon walk anytime soon. This is simply a plea for the leader of the free world to either (1) stop dancing in public once and for all or (2) improve his moves so that viewers would not immediately regret what their eyeballs have just witnessed.
Although not a dancer myself, I do have just one (but highly crucial) tip on how people of power should dance in public — if and when they insist on doing so.
Stop All The Arm Movements (You’re Not a Cock)
A trend that I have seen people in power do when they dance is they utilize their arms way too much. They start acting like chickens. Moving their arms up-and-down… left-and-right… round-and-round like a cockerel on cocaine. This is disturbing.Â
Perhaps such dangly, awkward heavy-handedness is caused by the build-up of so much testosterone in their system. This is possible, but it is not an excuse. Again, in such moments of excitement, rationality and prudence must be maintained, so as to prevent oneself from looking like a cock.
I have witnessed this style of dancing not only in Trump’s kinetic repertoire, but also in the dances of Indonesia’s newly elected president Prabowo Subianto and Britain’s former Prime Minister Borris Johnson. This seems to be a global poultry disease — somewhat akin to the bird flu, except more deadly.
This disease spreads beyond the realm of the public sector. It also infects powerful leaders in the private sector. This uncoordinated cock-ish dance was most egregiously performed by former Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer and his colleagues during the Windows 95 product launch, whereby even the introverted, cool-headed Bill Gates himself became infected by this avian virus live on stage. Decades later, their tech contemporary Elon Musk was also infected by this disease. Â
Don’t Do The ‘Cha-Cha-Cha’
This chicken-y style of dancing is unacceptable. Especially when you are the elected leader of a globally influential nation. Or the leader of a multi-trillion-dollar technology behemoth. We expect these individuals to radiate excellence, and to behave with elegance, instead of flapping their arms about in public.Â
In order to cure them of this poultry pirouette pandemic, I suggest they spend less time studying the geopolitical impacts of nuclear armament technology, and more time watching the 2005 Hollywood rom-com Hitch (starring Will Smith and Kevin James).
In the movie Hitch, Alex Hitch (played by Will Smith) teaches Albert Brennaman (played by Kevin James) how to properly dance with women. All the people of power mentioned above would benefit greatly from learning Hitch’s dance moves, as it extrapolates nicely from the world of the romantic to the world of the republic.Â
The elegant way for powerful individuals to dance in front of the populace (if they really must) is to keep their shoulders down — elbows in and close to their body — step calmly from side to side — and repeat. That’s it.Â
No jumping around. No hip-swinging. No arm-flapping. No head-bobbing. No doing the worm. And in the name of Moses and everything that is holy — No Cha-Cha-Chas.
Just keep it simple: Shoulders down — elbows in — side-step — repeat… shoulders down — elbows in — side-step — repeat… shoulders down — elbows in — side-step — repeat.
Sometimes, I wonder. Out of all the political parties across the globe— whether it be from the United States… or Indonesia… or the United Kingdom. Why is it… that not a single one has reached out to me for such precious advice.