Out of all the skills that you can learn as a human being, I would argue that the attitude of indifference is one of — if not the— most important skills you can cultivate for yourself.
This is because having this skill allows you to maturely pass through any circumstance that conjures up negative emotions. Whether it be the emotion of anger, sadness, shame, or any of their close kin.
First and foremost, it is important to clarify what indifference Is and what it is Not.
Indifference is not a state of complete detachment from — or an absence of — emotion. It is not a state of ‘shutting down’.
Indifference is simply a deliberate decision to not outwardly react towards any emotion you encounter within you. Indifference is, by definition, the state of absolute emotional control.
If you do not like the word “indifference” (if it sounds too psychotic or careless in your mind), substitute it with the words “emotional command” — as that is essentially what I am referring to.
It is a state of non-reactivity towards your emotions, instead of allowing it to make you its puppet.
The saying: “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters” — has become a very cliché one-liner in the multiverse of pop psychology.
The deepest flaw in that statement, however, can be found with the word “react”.
To mold this one-liner into the spirit of indifference, I would smuggle in the words “do not” in between the words “you” and “react”.
“It is not what happens to you, but how you do not react to it that matters.”
A state of pure reactivity is indistinguishable from a state of non-control.
If you are allowing yourself to simply react to every simmering emotion, then you have effectively degraded yourself into a small, pathetic pinball inside a pinball machine— helplessly being tossed and bounced around against your will.
Rather than degrading yourself into a silly, helpless pinball, it is possible to act as akin as you possibly can to a bowling ball.
The main difference between a pinball and a bowling ball is within the nature of its movement.
Due to its mass, it is very rare for a bowling ball to be accidentally or unconsciously moved.
Bowling balls must be moved consciously, deliberately, with effort, purpose and direction.
Pinballs move chaotically, unconsciously, sporadically, with almost no effort, purpose or direction.
The capacity to not outwardly react towards your internal emotional impulses effectively turns you into a bowling ball. An intelligent, wise one.
Ideally, your emotional responses must be heavy and expensive and deliberately moved, like bowling balls.
They should not be light and cheap — people, thoughts, and life circumstances should not be able to casually throw you around like a pinball against your will.
For infants and children, this volatility is tolerable. Maybe even somewhat exciting and charming.
But above a certain age — it becomes an unattractive and annoying behavior. A very un-charming, unattractive character trait.
Quite frankly — nobody wants to see a 40-year-old crier.
Or a 50-year-old with anger issues.
Or a 60-year-old with road rage.
Even a 25-year-old complainer and whiner is often looked down upon by society. “Quit whining…”
Some have attributed the word “indifference” with the state of emotionally ‘shutting down’. But indifference or emotional command is an act of turning on — not shutting down.
It is when you are ‘completely turned on’ that you are able to deliberately not react towards your internal world, no matter how chaotic it may be.
It is this non-reactivity that is the basis of emotional maturity.
Bruce Lee once said “Be Like Water” when he was trying to convey the importance of fluidity of the mind and of the body.
I say…
“Be like Bowling Ball.”